I want to thank everyone who sent me loving words of support via email or Facebook. Your expressions of compassion mean a lot to me as I travel this path. Keep them coming! I apologize that I can’t respond to all of them, but do know they are all read and very much appreciated.
I work with compassion in my mindfulness practice so I can be compassionate in the world around me. Mindfulness practice is a training for life. I develop compassion for myself first because it’s a requirement in order to extend it to others. Turns out yesterday was World Compassion Day.
Usually we commonly treat others with more compassion than we offer ourselves. When we feel it for others there’s a sense of kindness towards them, empathy, and a real desire to reduce their suffering. But we often fail to offer that same compassion towards ourselves. Instead we sometimes place these massive judgments about where we should be in life, the type of job we should have, our earnings, the relationships we should be in, what life should look like.
I’m not good enough. I’m not attractive enough. I’m not smart enough. The list goes on and on. These are all self judgments, and like anything else, the more often I behave in a specific way, the more deep-seated that habit becomes. So, rather than berating myself as motivation, perhaps I can practice self-compassion.
The question is how do I do this? Self-compassion involves creating a space within myself that’s free of judgment. A place where I can respond to sadness, frustrations, and failures with kindness and care. If I’m having a hard day and I hear myself saying unkind words, I tend to notice what’s happening.
Picture a good friend in your place. Would you say unkind words to your friend? Probably not. Decide what you would say instead and offer that same kindness to yourself. Just as you would comfort your friend, comfort yourself the same way. You might try placing your hand over your heart. Soothe yourself. When my inner voice starts up with criticisms, I counter them with loving thoughts.
I tell myself how I feel is okay, that I AM okay. I honor the experience and this journey. I offer myself compassion for my limitations, for my failures,for my past and present circumstances. I treat myself with the same love and compassion I would a best friend. In turn, I become my own best friend. As Byron Katie has said, “Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.” http://www.byronkatie.com/category/quote/
I have a routine I do everyday. I brush my teeth with an electric toothbrush that is on a 2 minute cycle which vibrates every 30 seconds to remind me to change brushing position. I stand looking at me, my own best friend, in the mirror and repeat four phrases, one for each 30 second increment. They are –
I am a person of great worth and value
I am loved and lovable. I show loving kindness to myself and others. I show loving compassion to myself and others.
I accept this moment as it is with love and joy.
I am perfect in every way.
Say what works for you. Besides looking at your lovely self in the mirror, you can do things like have post-its with whatever kind words you choose on the mirror, fridge, windows, or where ever you want to be reminded to be gentle and compassionate with the you that is always the perfect you. Leave a loving message on your voicemail. Receive daily messages from sites like Renaissance Unity, Esther Hicks, Pariyatti Daily Words of the Buddha, Happify.com, mindful.com. There are hundreds of other sites you can choose from as reminders for self-compassion.
I love you. Are you loving you?
Namaste