It’s official! We’re coming home on Friday. Yabba yabba doo! This week I started feeling mostly normal. I’m waking up with energy, I’m not requiring a daytime nap, I’m exercising, I’m meditating twice a day, I’m eating full meals again and the body feels pretty good. Still some healing going on and it’ll be a couple more weeks before I can lift anything over 10 pounds. It feels nice to have energy and feel motivated to do things.
There is no substitute for physical well being. When I have a physical pain or am sick with fever or other ailments, my tendency is to withdraw. I focus entirely on listening to what my body is telling me – to rest, to take a pain med, to be with whatever sensations are happening. I use mindful healing mantras throughout the process. Sometimes the sensations are too intense to allow being present with them. If I must resist, I resist until I can be aware of the resistance and have it be okay to let it go. When I have physical well being it is easy to acknowledge, allow and release thoughts, emotions and sensations.
It’s like a catch-22 isn’t it? No physical well being can mean there is resistance to what is. I’m not always aware of what the resistance is. I allow that’s okay too. As I do the mental, physical and spiritual mindful processes, I eventually return to a state of physical well being. And in a state of physical well being I am blessed to be aware, be mindful and be alive! There is no substitute for physical well being.
Okay, so I saw the oncologist yesterday. The colon cancer that was removed was Stage IIIA, which means it spread to some lymph nodes. In my case it spread to two of the twenty lymph nodes they checked. I am fortunate for the small number.
Standard protocol is chemotherapy for six months. Two options were presented. One is to have a port installed in my chest (with ongoing maintenance required for two years) and have the chemo drug infused through the port over a couple hours. Option two is to take 2-3 pills twice a day. Which option do you think I chose? Exactamundo – pill, baby, pill! Since I am tube fed I’ll crush the pills as I do all my meds and put it through the g-tube. Easy peasy!
Each option, port or pill, have the exact same effect. There were two options offered for how long for each course. One was two weeks on meds, one week off. Option two was one week on, one week off. Again both options have same effect. Dr. Ahn thinks that the one week on. one week off might be better for me since I am generally very sensitive to medicine. So one week on, one week off, it is. He suggested I start the middle of February as they like to wait eight weeks after surgery to allow for healing.
At first he also recommended a second drug which may offer some benefit. Until he told me the major side effect is permanent neurapothy in the hands. Given that I only have use of one hand, I can’t afford to have any functional problems with my right hand. Thankfully he opted not to recommend it as the benefit was questionable.
Speaking of side effects, the primary ones for the pills are hand/foot burning, diarrhea, and nausea. Some people tolerate this med very well – they continue working, playing golf, etc. I hope I’m one of them. If I can’t tolerate the dose of 1250 mg 2x/day, adjustments can be made. There’s meds like Immodium for diarrhea and Compezine for nausea. Stats say this drug provides a 70% non-reoccurence rate. Every person is different. They say I’m cured if no reoccurence for two years.
When Dr. Ahn told me the name of the drug I laughed about it because my mind is always in the gutter! It’s called 5 fu! How about that, a cancer drug that has in the name telling cancer what to do – fu! I love it!
Today is my 65th birthday. I gotta say there have been several times over the years when I thought I’d never reach my sixties (especially that time I had pneumonia, was in ICU and doctors told Nalani I may not make it through the night). Thankfully I did and here I am, officially an old man of Medicare age, I mean a young at heart spiritual beaming light in the world.
Thank you Nalani for putting birthday notes everywhere I look today. What a treat and wonderful feeling of being loved. Thank you Sharon, Jeanne & Dave, Mary Jane, Aunt Connie, Aunt Patty, Aunt Jeanne, Marmie, and my brother Tom for the nice birthday greetings.
Being alive is an ongoing miracle. Everyday is a special day to celebrate life and all its wonder, especially within oneself and with others. Love yourself and show loving kindness to all you touch every day. You are a living, breathing, walking miracle! I salute you, I salute life, and I salute the Source from which we all come. Namaste